Brink of Collapse

anticipating storm

i nver wnted to take that long bumpy road to love..i nevr imagined myself walking thru the wilderness of it..appreciating its natural beauty and acpting the flaws behind it.. ur constant invitation arouse the little devil in me to take the trip and enjoy the adventure that awaits ahead..as i started the journey, i saw a couple of my friends walking bck..with disturbed eyes and sad faces.their shirts torned and jeans ripped as if a beast just attacked them, i wanna run to them and hold them but they were so lost that they cant figure out who am i..as i turn my back, u held my hand and promised me that never will i experience the same grief.u know the trail by heart, u can guide me and together we will reach the end without a sweat..i bowed my head and closed my eyes as i take your hand and put away all the fears i have..the first few stops were awesome, there were so many stories unfold, jokes shared, emotions unveiled..as we go deep down the forest, we saw familiar faces..they were bruised and badly beaten but unlike the others, they carry a smile on their faces..someone’s attending to them, nursing their wounds as they whisper gentle words to the wounded soul.u gave me a pat in the shoulder reassuring me that everythings gonna be alright..we continued with our own journey..walked hand by hand, sang songs, laughed heartily..i was so enthralled by what im seeing that i never noticed that i wasnt holding your hand anymore..the night is growing darker..im scared that a beast is lurking in the dark ready to attack me..tears are freely flowing drenching every inch of my bone i remembered ur promise but the words were drowned by the echos of the mountains…i helplessly sat and curled like a homeless orphan..i shouldnt have taken this unfamiliar way..the night seems to take forever..its been a long lonely night full of grief and regrets..as i opened my eyes, i felt the warmth of the sunshine touching my face and then i saw you standing with your arms open..i wanna run away from you, i dont wanna feel the warmth of your hug coz it betrays me..i ran as far as i cud but you seem to be following me and then i stumbled.you reached my hand and squeezed me to the very soul of my heart.u said u were lost when u noticed that im nowhere to be found..i saw the concern in ur face and that touched my very being..for the second time, i took ur hand and entrusted my lyf to u..you were far more careful this time, u never leave me not even a single glance .as we walked through the woods, a storm came..it was a long cold night..i wanna close my eyes and shove away the nightmares of yesterday.i want the storm to stop..

– her letter

my cave

No one ever said that there is an easy way, as I constantly remind you since we took the first step on life that I believe full of enchantments and adventure and I thought you completely understand. But as we journey, you always keep telling me bout what you see.., them with their disturbed eyes and sad faces who’s taking the opposite direction. You always remind me of them as you loosen your hands and tends to turn back. But instead, I held your hands with a passionate grip and tell you that I have no idea what they been through and promise you that we will not share the same faith as they are. Every step we took is every confident I gained about you and your outlook in our journey. We laughed, share stories and we were both happy, but I was blinded bout what I feel thinking that you could stand and walk alone without me telling you where and how to take each step, all along I thought you’re in my side, but it was too late for me to realized that you are gone. I was devastated as if you were completely gone in my life. I don’t know what I must do, all I can think of is why did you ran away? I sat and begun to think about you, all the moment we shared and it somehow gave me strength and cleared my mind and begin to think that I can’t let this happen. I searched for you all night and all I can see is my past.., my demons, inviting me once again and making a promise that I don’t have to suffer like this and making a promise that I can  be happy with them,  forever. I almost gave in to their invitation but my faith in love makes me feel that the word forever and happiness only exist with you. I continue to search for you and finally the light of day guide me back to you. But as you saw me you immediately run, but you stumble. I held your hand and hug you. Before I could speak, you ask me where did you go? That’s the same question that I wanted to ask you. Now I understand that you didn’t run away, that’s when I realized that I walked too fast that I didn’t notice I leaved you behind. I told you I was lost and I’m sorry, because I know its my fault for not seeing that your not ready to walk alone in unfamiliar world. And for the second time you took my hand. That’s the time when were both sensitive and too concerned to each other. As we walk again, you told me that a storm is coming, I told you that it was only a rain, but in the first sign of lightning, you panicked and tried to unwrap my hands and tends to go back. You said it’s not your nature to journey with such risk. I beg you to stay and told you that when it rains, it is normal to have a lightning. You looked at me with doubt in your eyes but firmly grip my hands. But as the thunder roars, you ran away as if you were racing to the sound of it so that you won’t hear it. I followed you and find you standing on your back, I held your shoulder and told you that it’s ok.., I’m here. You told me that this is not your world, you told me that this is too much for you, you told me that you just can’t continue anymore because you think that you’re just a burden to me, and you don’t want me to carry you all along. I kneel down for you to stay and continue our journey, and I assure you that you are not a burden but my strength.., it’s you that keeps me going .., nothing else. But you walked away; you walked back as if you didn’t hear my words. You didn’t even turn your back and didn’t bother to look at kneeling down on sharp stones and grasses that my blood seems to understand my feelings that it rushes on the ground trying to touch your feet, but it was too late, you walked back and the thick rain blinded my eyes that I can’t see you anymore. I stayed there for hours hoping you’ll be back. But you didn’t all I can see is people looking at me and their partners assuring them that it wont happen to them as they bravely cross the storm. As they passed, I realized that those people we saw walking back with disturbed eyes and sad faces, torn shirts and ripped jeans…, that no!, they are not a victim of love, they are not those who pursue happiness. They are quitters that instead of continuing, they turn back because of their fears and afraid of the risk. They are those people who can’t understand the reality of life. And I picture you exactly as those people we saw. As I think of this, I stood up and isolate myself to my newly found cave. And no!!! I am not going back to be those people   you pity before.., people like you now. I’ll stay here and hoping somebody will find me. I just hope you came back and look for me before somebody finds me.

– His letter

(re-posted from my old blogsite)

April 4, 2010 | Categories: uncategorized | Tags: cave, letter, portraits, relationship, storm | Leave a comment